What's on the other side of fear?
May 2024
I entertained the idea of starting a newsletter last fall, but resisted with all the reasons and excuses you can probably imagine. Even so, the logical, proactive part of me continued to research the nuts and bolts of such publications for when my more private, creative side might one day be ready.
I’m not sure if those two parts of me ever coalesced with a shared vision and timeline, but as it always does when self-doubt creeps in, an inner voice reminded me of Eleanor Roosevelt’s words that once hung on a wall in my classroom.
Completely out of nowhere followed the thought, “What the heck?” As if that’s how I’ve made any of my decisions.
I jumped out of a plane in Solvang, scubaed1 with dicey marine life in perilous settings, and rafted down class V rapids where each of my family members were hurled into the turbulent river. I’ve also sat with my grief and painstakingly separated my late mother’s ashes. None of these were on a what-the-heck kind of whim. But more importantly, in each of those moments, I felt intensely alive, and ended up on the other side of fear.
So what the heck? Taking the plunge with this newsletter was a little like how I learned how to swim. Except back then I was only a few months old and really had no choice in whether my blob of a body would be thrown into the pool.
For those hoping there was someone to catch me––there wasn’t. But that was by design and this is a story of triumph. I somehow made my way to the surface and into the arms of my teacher, whose methodology was based on the understanding that infants are born without a fear of water and with the instinct to swim. As she expected, I instinctively knew what to do. For thirty years, despite the controversy it created, Mary Ann taught babies as young as six weeks old, and showcased her young swimmers in magnificent water shows at the Hilton Hawaiian Village in Waikiki. I’m so glad she did.
My initial survival-based doggy-paddle morphed into a more efficient swim to the bottom of the pool to pick up rings. Then a more graceful glide through big hoops. Years later, I was cutting through the water for 100 yards of backstroke. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of misadventures, like when my neck looked as though it was housing an anaconda, after getting pounded onto the sea floor while bodysurfing at Makapu’u Beach. (Those were some huge waves!) But one by one, each experience improved my skills and confidence, opening up the abundance of aquatic adventures I enjoy today. My most recent swim in the Hawaiian Pacific with my mom’s ashes will always be a favorite.
So what’s on the other side of fear? Undoubtedly strength, courage, and confidence. And also opportunity. Adventure. Life. I’ve found things I never even thought were possible. I’m sure you have too.
This brings me to declare my heartfelt gratitude to you, dear reader, for your trust in embarking on this journey with me while the boat, so to speak, is still being built. The second Tuesday of each month you can expect to find in your inbox a slice-of-life story, a small joy to savor, and–—if I can dream big—–voices and stories from readers that a little nook in a vibrant literary community can have the power to amplify.
We all have our own personal collection of triumphs, both big and small, resulting from facing our fears, or doing the things we thought we could not do. What is something you thought you couldn’t do? What did you find on the other side of that fear? Comment below, or reply to this email—–I’d love to hear about it!
I’ll include responses in my next newsletter. (I’m happy to tag your email response with “anonymous,” if you prefer. Just let me know.)
Until then, I hope your days are full of great inspirations, many small joys, and the belief that you can do anything you set your mind to. Thank you for reading!
While sadly, “scubaed” is not a word in Merriam Webster’s dictionary, it is allowed in Scrabble, so that’s something. IMHO, if we snorkeled, we should be able to have scubaed.
I love you lady!
I remember the waves in Makapu'u.